Well, I don't feel great about this, but this is what this blog is all about for me. Documenting my successes, failures, all of it. It's to motivate me, and hopefully help others.
2 weekends ago, I wasn't feeling great. I was hungry. I needed something satisfying. I was craving a burger from this place, 8 oz., I had been to many times in my omnivore days, and a few times since for a veggie burger. But, this time, my nostalgia for a real burger came over me. I really wanted one. So, I researched where they got their meat from, and it was from Estancia ranch. They claim the following on their website:
"We only sell beef from animals that graze in pastures on fresh green grass – no feedlots, ever... At Estancia, we raise healthy animals without using any growth hormones or growth promoting antibiotics. Our animals live their entire lives on the free range."
This was good enough for me, at the time. I know from reading Eating Animals that no matter how the animals live, even in the best of circumstances, of which I believe Estancia qualifies, the kill floors in the processing plants are a horror show. This did not deter me this time.
It's the first time I've had actual meat since going vegan. And it went down as easily as it would have a year ago, before going vegetarian. Satisfied.
I can't really say I regret it. I wouldn't have done it if I was going to beat myself up over it. It's crazy how what used to be something that required no thought now is a huge endeavor. What it showed me is how powerful my habits and rituals involving food are. They really drive my behavior. It's like an imprint in my brain that craves to be remembered. I just need more practice and it will get easier with time.